Jobbing Out to UFC

It's time for an admission. I am a fan of professional wrestling. I know it's not a real competition, I know the wrestlers are playing characters; these are the things many seem to feel compelled to point out to me when I reveal this fact about myself. "That stuff is so fake," they say. This gets my hackles up. Pro-wrestling isn't fake - it's worked. "Worked" is a wrestling term that means "staged." Pro-wrestling originated in carnivals, and there are still a lot of carny terms in use within the industry. Fans are "marks." Losing a match is called "doing a job," or "jobbing." The concept of acting to preserve the illusion that pro-wrestling is a legitimate sport with no works or angles is called "kayfabe," though kayfabe is only symbolic now, since Vince McMahon held a press conference in the 90s to admit that wrestling is fiction. I'm not an idiot; there's no need to point out to me that wrestling is unrealistic. That said, to call it fake is to imply that it doesn't take any skill, and that people who enjoy watching it are not wise to the fact that it's worked. It does, and most of us are. I'll also point out that nobody left the theater after seeing Avatar and said to their friends, "You know that was fake, right?" We know it's not real. Lots of things are fake. This is the criticism of someone who doesn't know much about what he's criticizing.

Within the industry, I would be referred to as a "smart mark." This basically means that I know the whole thing is a work, but it also means that I know a lot about the industry. I know about booking matches, and I know about high spots, and I read a lot about the part of the business that is not kayfabe. It's really a fascinating world filled with jock/geek hybrids and dominated by many egos that rate very high on the Sheen Megalomania Scale. Wrestling draws oddballs unlike any you will see anywhere else, and that is part of what I love about it. Could you imagine Randy Savage as a museum curator? James "The Ultimate Warrior" Hedwig has gone on to be a motivational speaker. This is mind-boggling. He also legally changed his name to Warrior; this name appears on official documents, and even his children are surnamed Warrior. The world needs pro-wrestling if only so that these singularly bizarre humans have a place to take out their weird hypermasculine/homoerotic aggression.

But there is another outlet. I have recently started watching UFC. Few are likely to describe me as a "typical male," whatever that is. Sure, part of me likes to see people getting punched in the face, but a larger part of me likes the strategic aspect of fighting - the technique. And this brings up an interesting point. Professional wrestling is worked. It isn't real. People really get hurt, but it's not a real fight going on in the ring (most of the time). Now that I've started getting into UFC, can I see why people would express disdain for pro-wrestling? Can I see how much more appealing in-ring fighting is when it's legit? Well, yes and no. UFC doesn't script outcomes. The WWE, the biggest wrestling promotion in the world for decades running, has full control over who wins a match; theoretically, they should be able to generate the kind of excitement UFC can generate on a much more consistent basis. But that hasn't been happening. Professional wrestling has become far less interesting to me than legit MMA. It's not because wrestling is fake. Wrestling and MMA are two completely different things. Wrestling has become less interesting because of egomaniacs who care more about having their private parts massaged than about generating product that can actually make money - so convinced are they that everything they produce is golden. Kayfabe is dead, but it lingers, and many people in the business book almost as if they still buy it. I'm sure that UFC is jammed full of huge egos and jacked-up manchildren, but it possesses a degree of legitimacy that the WWE cannot approach right now because, there, egos are allowed to run wild, brother. Whatcha gonna do when Vince-a-mania runs wild on you? I'm going to contribute to failing PPV buy-rates and watch UFC instead. It breaks my heart, in all honesty, to see big events like the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania circling the drain, but it's not because wrestling looks weak in comparison to UFC. I know what wrestling can be - I lived through the Attitude Era, and I've been consistently amazed by promotions like Ring of Honor and Dragon Gate. But maybe it's time for professional wrestling in general to leave its carny mentality behind and take up its erstwhile crown. Fully functioning in a modern world and free from the tyranny of egos and backstage politics, professional wrestling can be, once again, what I say it is when I defend it from the people who tell me that it's fake: an entertaining fantasy.